1st comes love, then comes marriage, then comes ...

You don't think about having a baby being a hard thing to do. When you are young, newly married, happy it seems natural that the next step.

I took the job seriously stopped drinking coffee, started working out, eating right, taking prenatal vitamins. I read every baby/pregnancy book I could get my hands on.
So many of the books talked about how hard it could be. Little windows of time, basil temperatures, low sperm count, charting, three month average. It was a little daunting.

We where lucky the first month we started trying we got lucky. At our wedding we where 6 weeks pregnant. It was exciting to get to share the news with all our family who live so far from us.
I loved everything about being pregnant. Morning sickness, swelling baby bump. Everything was wonderful, everything was going well until I started bleeding.

They tell you don't tell anyone that you are expecting until after 12 weeks. once you get to that second trimester your past the danger of miscarrying, the probability of a late miscarriage is low.

At 13 weeks I started bleeding, which can be nothing. Our baby's heart was beating strong, on the ultrasound the Dr. had a hard time counting it because our little wiggle worm was all over the place. Good signs.

For the next few weeks I couldn't lift, had to take it easy, the bleeding turned into light spotting.
At 16 weeks (4 months)
I woke up in pain my water broke. I was in labor. A few hours later our son was born. a few hours later I had emergency surgery. A few hours after that I was sent home.
No longer pregnant, no longer expecting.

The placental just peeled away separated from the wall until my baby couldn't breath anymore.
Physically I'm lucky, the hospital was horrible, I'm lucky i didn't die. In a few months we should be able to try again. There is no reason to think anything bad will happen.
I am lucky.

Before...

I have never been one of those people who "gets it." I'm always a step behind just a little bit different and slower than everyone else at just about everything. When I was a preteen I made this list of things I needed to be a teenager. Enough shades of nail polish for each finger and toe, posters on my walls, lip gloss. I kept adding to the list because as I fulfilled each requirement I didn't feel closer to being a real teenager. I still felt like I was playing a part.Grown up life has been like that too, I spent so much time thinking about what it meant to be a grown up. A house, car, job, husband. That sometimes I feel like I missed a step. Their is that point between living at home with your parents and having your own house that I glazed over.Here I am at married, with a house, a car, job, plans to start trying to be someones mommy and I sometimes feel like I must have missed something.
I love my life, I love my husband, our house, my job. Its an amazing dream life, that I never truly thought I'd end up getting. I feel so lucky to have all that I have. It is an amazing sense of security and grounding support that has allowed me to grow in so many ways.
For the 1st time in my life I feel that I don't need a list. I don't need to watch other people and try and copy what they have. It is an amazing feeling happiness.
A happiness that was intensified by being pregnant.

Curling up with a good book

The 1st snow has dusted our little town. It's cold. Which always makes me want to pull on a cozy robe, get a huge cup of coffee, a good book and Read. I love reading. Books can take you away. I enjoy lighter books, dubbed Chick lit. As if they are some how  not as worthy of being read or books as books written about or for men. That said I'm picky. They have to be well written, the characters have to be engaging and good. 

Marian Keyes: an amazing author Irish, quirky, her books have real life issues, and are touching. Anybody Out There?, The Other Side of the Story

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Jane Green: another good author  her books can be hit and miss but they are good. Bookends,  Babyville are two of my favorites.

Anna Maxted: Amazing author her books are good griping, I stumbled across her books by chance and each new book I cannot put down till I get to the end. Tale of Two Sisters is one that is next to by bed right now amazing and sad. I cannot wait for  her next book to come out.

 I have to say there is nothing a nice as a warm place to curl up and read a book. 

Going green

I have the worst case of Green Guilt.
I have always lived a Eco-friendly life. Growing up we lived in a tiny little house with a garden where we grew our own food. We walked most places we started a composting program in schools, helped with starting recycling in the town where we lived. Years later the way I was brought up is still a huge part of how I live.
Now I am living in my own home with my own family and we do a lot. We compost, use cloth napkins, have a garden (small), try to eat local/organic, we have the right light bulbs, we buy in bulk, buy most of our stuff second hand. We are very Eco-aware but it never feels like its enough. It seems that we are being bombarded with demands to live better, books about people who are going the distance, Companies are layering on guilt a lot of the guilt is misplaced companies telling us to buy things that are "Eco-friendly" when consumerism is not what we should be doing to be green.
I think that guilt can be a good thing, guilt for getting a to go cup at the coffee shop, for driving instead of walking, with out that guilt, I think, that  we would do theses things more.
There is another side to green guilt the Eco-smugness which comes with being the person who is  pulling out there reusable bags, or lugging locally grown, organic, vegetables home on foot from the farmers market.  Maybe that is what will make more people become over to the green side.

earrings

I got a card from my aunt today and we have a package that is sitting waiting to go to her house, her birthday was last month and I never know what to get her but I was cleaning up my desk space and thought why not throw a pair of earrings together for her to go in the package.
the result. They came out amazing if I do say so myself. I may just have to make up a bunch and sell them I was thinking that different colors would look cute.

How we meet, the short long version

Rob and I met in a theater tech class at the University of Idaho and we went out for a cup of coffee and haven't looked back.
He moved in to my place in 2007 and this past summer we moved into a bigger apartment that is all ours. We got engaged in Canada over spring break last year and started planning the wedding.

We wanted to get married in 2009 on the date that we started going out September 1st but Robs oldest brother is going to Iraq in January of 2009 and will be gone until some time in 2010, its important to Rob that hes at the wedding. We ended up compromising...

We are going to get legally married on September 1st, 2009 and have a house party to celebrate in lew of any pre-wedding parties (showers engagement and what not) Then on July 24 2010 we are going to have the wedding on the Cannon beach in Oregon.

Signature sent

             I love the idea of swapping out seasons to change the décor in your house. I want to get to that point with our home. Where it just feels inviting year round. I am one of those people who moves the furniture around every couple of  months, I get bored with things being the same all the time. I figure that altering the decor with little things will make a big difference and not require a lot of storage space or money to do.I have been working on doing this starting small with place-mats for the holidays that I put on all sorts of flat surfaces and then tablecloths that are different for each season. Now I've been working on smell.
            I read about the idea of finding a signature sent for the season in your home and I really like that idea. I’ve been toying with the idea of defuses and finding a nice holiday sent maybe a cooking smell (vanilla or something cinnamon or a heavier floral) I'm thinking that I may make my own all you need is a few reeds, a container, and the liquid. Smell is connected to memory and can change your mood. I love the idea of changing the mood in each room with a different sent.