102 days left...

There are just 102 days left till our due date. Kinda crazy to think that it started at 280 days which means that I've been pregnant for 180 days or so. Other than being hot and tired and missing sleeping I am doing good. Baby is good and has been moving pretty consistently everyday for long stretches of time,


Baby seems to like kicking (petting?) Roxy when she gets up on my lap. Roxy isn't so into the whole thing she just sighs and looks at me like, isn't it enough that you are running out of lap room for me to sleep on and now I have to get kicked.

More pregnant than ever

Today I am more pregnant that I have ever been. Crazy exciting.
I don't even have words for the excitement and apprehension that I feel.
New uncharted territory.
No longer able to compare last time to this time.
Last time my baby was dead by now this time my baby is still alive.

Family

I am lucky, my family is amazing, they have been supportive. They get it, as much as anyone can.
My husband called my mom, and my mother-in-law from the waiting room of the hospital while I was in surgery. I can't even imagine what that phone call was like, to make or get.

My mother in law drove down to our house, with a packet of information on miscarriage, and flowers. She talked to me, while Rob slept, I was so hyper from the medications, that I couldn't sleep. That weekend my mom drove the 6.5 hours from Portland to Moscow to be there when we buried our baby.

We had put our baby in the freezer, later I took the hospital receiving blanket that my MIL brought and cut a small corner of it and wrapped our baby up, my mom knit a blanket that we wrapped him in as well.
 Its very surreal to go shopping for a box to bury your baby in. We went to a major shopping center and bought a plastic container and then to another store where we found a wooden jewelry box that the 1st box fit in.

When we buried our baby,  my sister in law and her family came. Other family members reached out telling us how sorry they where, supporting us. I cannot imagine what it would be like to go through this with out having a family that cares. I feel lucky that we have all this support. That is what I am thankful for this holiday season.

Waiting

Yesterday I posted about the mounds of paperwork and stress that we are buried under. Today we had our interview and now we just have to wait to see if we get approved. Later this week I have a job interview and so we are stuck in a purgatory situation for a while.

  I hate waiting, I have no patience for anything, I want it all right now, It drives Rob crazy that I want to know what I'm getting for Christmas, what the surprise is, everything this minute. This year the whole Christmas seasons lost some of its bubbly excitement. Our tree is up, our house is decorated, but not with they same flair and excitement that I usually have. I'm ready for it to be over, ready to take down the tree, pack away the decorations and move on. Sad really, I feel like I'm on holiday auto pilot. I lack the proper amount of holiday cheer and no amount of sugar cookies or twinkling lights is going to fix that. So I am waiting for the holidays to be over and the sugar high of December to give way to broken resolutions, and gloomy depression of January.

Giving Thanks

This week thanksgiving the 1st holiday of the season, a season that I was supposed to be hugely pregnant and  now not so much. I was looking forward to the holiday with baby bump. I feel deflated. Today Blizzard conditions Broken water heater, furnace not working, and pushing J. car in front of our house. I walked miles today though the snow, moved heavy boxes. I would have been able to do none of this stuff pregnant. I am thankful that if my world has to come crashing down around me in a lot of cold water that I am able to withstand it.

This is also the 1st thanksgiving that we will be having people over, with a real blizzard brewing outside, the stranded many are coming to our home for the big feast and that is exciting.