Where have we been

Caden Robert

I hadn't posted for months, didn't feel the need to I guess as the birth date grew closer I started concentrating on my baby, on my family, and now that he is here I feel at peace.


My world imploded and I picked up the pieces one shard at a time and with Caden's birth my world is complete again.

I am so happy so lucky to get up every morning and spend the day holding my pefect little baby and watch him all day long. I feel lucky that I have a wonderful husband a job that I love, a son who is amazing. I am the luckiest person in the whole world.

I'm not sure if I'll keep blogging or not I haven't decided if I have the time or anything worth reading to say and how much I want to put out in the world. I have made a resolution for 2012 to clean up my web profile to get ride of all the extra emails and profiles that I have laying around on the web.  If I do keep blogging about mommyhood it probably will be on a new blog, new baby new experience

give up

Don't you just hate it when your whole life seems to be coming apart at the seams?
I keep saying I'm fine and things are fine and how good things are. Like if I say it enough it is going to be true. The baby is fine and perfect and the pregnancy is perfect, its just the whole rest of my life that feels like it's imploding.
I'm so sick of pretending like it is all wonderful and desperately trying to hold the little pieces of my life together, it's just so tiring though and just when I think I'm making a little tinny bit of headway something else falls apart. I feel like I'm failing. Even as I write this I know that more bad things are going to happen that the stress isn't going to let up. That my life is going to stay imploded and part of me feels like I a selfish person for even thinking about bringing a baby into this mess. There is a limit to the amount of stuff that one person can handle and I feel like we've gotten or limit. So can bad things stop happening can we just, please, have a little bit of good luck. It isn't one thing that is bad or not going the way that we wish it was, it feels like everything, even the little ones, is going badly. I just am done. I just give up. I just want it all  to go away.