Where have we been

Caden Robert

I hadn't posted for months, didn't feel the need to I guess as the birth date grew closer I started concentrating on my baby, on my family, and now that he is here I feel at peace.


My world imploded and I picked up the pieces one shard at a time and with Caden's birth my world is complete again.

I am so happy so lucky to get up every morning and spend the day holding my pefect little baby and watch him all day long. I feel lucky that I have a wonderful husband a job that I love, a son who is amazing. I am the luckiest person in the whole world.

I'm not sure if I'll keep blogging or not I haven't decided if I have the time or anything worth reading to say and how much I want to put out in the world. I have made a resolution for 2012 to clean up my web profile to get ride of all the extra emails and profiles that I have laying around on the web.  If I do keep blogging about mommyhood it probably will be on a new blog, new baby new experience

Caden Robert

Our due date was Friday( October 14, 2011) and Saturday night my water broke 51 hours of labor later Caden was born.  October 18, 2011  8# 11 ounces 22 inches long and perfect.

We are so lucky to have him. Our plan (as always happens when you have one right) didn't go just how we thought it would. We ended up transferring to the hospital late Monday night and after a few hours of pushing and a little help from the vacuum Caden was born.  

Despite the issues we had last year with the hospital this experience was the opposite it was wonderful, the nurses where amazing and so helpful it was really nice and healing to have a good experience in a place that just over a year ago we had had such bad one.

We were feeling so lucky and just overwhelmed with the whole experience when just before we where discharged Rob happened to ask one of the nurses if she knew who the nurse was that had gone to a nursing conference in Montana last year.

Robs mom had meet and talked to a nurse about what had happened with our loss, and had felt really comforted by the fact that she was shocked at what had happened as we all where.

The nurse that Rob asked said yeah I was the only one to go to that. When Rob told her that she had talked to his mom and that we where the ones that it had happened to she was shocked. She said she had never won anything in a raffle before that night but at the conference she won a dozen roses and gave them to Robs mom because she was so impacted by the story.  She then went back to Moscow and talked to the hospital.

Now the policy has changed and ANY pregnant woman that comes in goes to the Birth Center and not the ER. It's great closer and gives me peace with our miscarriage.

Public Property

dressed up for Mutt Strut

I have reached the size that people feel that they can ask, comment, and offer advice on pregnancy, how miserable I must be and I'm sure how horrible child birth is going to be.  Two people commented yesterday at the supermarket, one was nice asking about how much the baby was kicking and saying that her baby kept the same awake hours after they where born. The other woman said that I must be enjoying the heat.

At mutt strutt the announcer said something about how Romey was going to be a big sister (another pet peeve hes a poodle but that doesn't make him a girl)

Lots of people have been asking boy or girl and apparently not finding out is a brave thing to do becuase that is what most of them say when I say that we aren't going to find out early. 

It is interesting watching how people interact with pregnancy

102 days left...

There are just 102 days left till our due date. Kinda crazy to think that it started at 280 days which means that I've been pregnant for 180 days or so. Other than being hot and tired and missing sleeping I am doing good. Baby is good and has been moving pretty consistently everyday for long stretches of time,


Baby seems to like kicking (petting?) Roxy when she gets up on my lap. Roxy isn't so into the whole thing she just sighs and looks at me like, isn't it enough that you are running out of lap room for me to sleep on and now I have to get kicked.

Its been a long week...

25 weeks

 So pictures of me at 25 weeks. I've had a few people ask if I was due soon (nope just a large German baby) I'm not measuring huge, I just look huge.
It was a crazy week with bee swarms, lots of kids, yelling and general chaos. I've got a bit of time off now to get sewing done, house cleaned, one of our apartments painted and cleaned, and all the little things that need to be done that haven't been done.

All in all things are going well, I'd love to get things together and not feel so behind  and I can't quite believe how close October is getting and how much needs to be done before this baby is done.

25 week bump

give up

Don't you just hate it when your whole life seems to be coming apart at the seams?
I keep saying I'm fine and things are fine and how good things are. Like if I say it enough it is going to be true. The baby is fine and perfect and the pregnancy is perfect, its just the whole rest of my life that feels like it's imploding.
I'm so sick of pretending like it is all wonderful and desperately trying to hold the little pieces of my life together, it's just so tiring though and just when I think I'm making a little tinny bit of headway something else falls apart. I feel like I'm failing. Even as I write this I know that more bad things are going to happen that the stress isn't going to let up. That my life is going to stay imploded and part of me feels like I a selfish person for even thinking about bringing a baby into this mess. There is a limit to the amount of stuff that one person can handle and I feel like we've gotten or limit. So can bad things stop happening can we just, please, have a little bit of good luck. It isn't one thing that is bad or not going the way that we wish it was, it feels like everything, even the little ones, is going badly. I just am done. I just give up. I just want it all  to go away.

Appointment Today

Today we are seeing the midwife and hearing the baby. Amazing thing to know that our baby is ok becuase they are kicking me as I  type this, there is no what if something happened irrationality that I usually have. I am so thankful for a baby that wiggles and kicks all the time it is a constant reassurance that they are in there and OK. The two little girls that I watch are going to come with us today to hear the baby. They are very excited about hearing the baby and getting to come and see what happens at a appointment.

The three year old met our midwife at the annual midwife picnic in May and she got hit in the face with a swing and split her lip. It wasn't a bad split but there was a lot of blood and Nancy, our midwife, got her ice and now is referred to as "the person that fixed L's lip"  It was just some ice and a few nice words but when you are three, it is a huge thing and has inspired this She can fix anything idea and she gets babies out of their mommies tummies super woman image of her in both the girls minds. (lets face it she is something of a super woman)