Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Positivity, I try to force feed myself a  line of propaganda of happy thoughts and positivity. I may be baby-less but I can drink caffeinated coffee. The only problem is that I'd give up everything to have that baby.  Propaganda is hollow. I feel so empty holidays family time. My family is missing one tiny person.
So I'll bake the turkey and make the pies and watch the parade and smile. We'll talk about being thankful and yet, there will be something missing.
The closer we get to the holidays the harder I know its going to be to buy into my own propaganda of thankfulness. Because if I'm honest I don't want to be thankful for how I'm  handling things and the only thing I want for Christmas is my baby.
But I'll suck up my pity tantrum and blast the propaganda and maybe, just may be, it will drowned it out.

1 comment:

Yazan said...

Your baby will come, have hope, look forward, God is great and able..just as He has given you the first fetus, He will plant a second one...Your emotional well being is important to get pregnant again, maybe not too soon after the first time, but it will happen...You are young, very beautiful, creative, giving, loving, ambitious and you have nothing to worry about, cause you have the lawful donor with you; your husband, and you have the creator of all beings; God :) smile please, we love you Carlie.

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