Before...

I have never been one of those people who "gets it." I'm always a step behind just a little bit different and slower than everyone else at just about everything. When I was a preteen I made this list of things I needed to be a teenager. Enough shades of nail polish for each finger and toe, posters on my walls, lip gloss. I kept adding to the list because as I fulfilled each requirement I didn't feel closer to being a real teenager. I still felt like I was playing a part.Grown up life has been like that too, I spent so much time thinking about what it meant to be a grown up. A house, car, job, husband. That sometimes I feel like I missed a step. Their is that point between living at home with your parents and having your own house that I glazed over.Here I am at married, with a house, a car, job, plans to start trying to be someones mommy and I sometimes feel like I must have missed something.
I love my life, I love my husband, our house, my job. Its an amazing dream life, that I never truly thought I'd end up getting. I feel so lucky to have all that I have. It is an amazing sense of security and grounding support that has allowed me to grow in so many ways.
For the 1st time in my life I feel that I don't need a list. I don't need to watch other people and try and copy what they have. It is an amazing feeling happiness.
A happiness that was intensified by being pregnant.