Grumpy mom

C dumping the puffs and grinding them into the carpet

As a mom I feel I spend way to much time saying no, don't touch that do that, stop that, leave it. I spend way to much time feeling angry and grumpy.
I hate being an irritated mommy. I want to be one of the easy going parents and most of the time I am able to parent gently. I fully believe in attachment parenting. I know my child is a better because we don't cry it out, I listen to what he is saying and feeling and respond to his needs. Sure it means I don't have "Me time" but I feel like I get plenty of selfish time. I get to do what I want I get books read, I go out with friends, I take walks and go shopping. I just do it all with my little person snuggled up next to me.

Its getting harder as he gets older to feel like a calm easy going mommy. I get caught up in the constant redirection and it stresses me out and I end up losing my calm and snapping. I am done. I know how I want my day to go, how I want to be as a mother and I know I've gone off that path, I'm drifting and so I've decided I need a change.

I am going to try to actively work toward being a better mother, defining my ideal and figuring out what my life right now is lacking, I have started a long list of parenting books and memoirs I want to read, I have lots of projects I've been meaning to get around to. Ideas for structuring our days to avoid the dreaded toddler melt downs. I just need to put all this research into affect. Its not just parenting, its being a better wife, a better friend, its about being a better me.

I'll be posting a list of goals, a list of projects, and a list of books later and then I'll start working through the lists. I'm hoping that by having them written out and by using this blog I'll be able to keep myself on track.